Some things never change...

Just got back from visiting family/friends in the Bay Area for Thanksgiving. This was a fairly eventful Thanksgiving and I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen for quite some time. For some, it had been almost 10 years and others just a few months. Regardless, it was great to catch up with old friends and make a few (random) new ones.

Every time I visit Danville, I'm often overwhelmed with mixed feelings of nostalgia and discomfort. It's always such a strange feeling being back in the town I grew up in...feeling like everything is so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. Each time I intently study the roads and buildings as I head to my parent's house. So many things look the same and yet so many things look so different. I feel like I'm back in high school driving home from school, friends' houses, church, working at the GAP... but then within moments I'm reminded that almost 8 years has passed since Danville has been my home. And just like that, I feel like a stranger.

This morning I had dim sum with a few girls I grew up with. To be honest, every time I see them there is a few minutes where the reality hits that I haven't seen them in months, some, more than a year. But after these initial few minutes, it's as if we never went away to college and grew up. It's so much more than our chats about "way back when" - it's a feeling that is so familiar it's impossible to ignore. They may not know everything about who I am today and what my daily routine consists of, but it's undeniable they know me and where I came from.

We were sitting around after lunch waiting for a friend to meet up and one of the girls said, "wow, some things never change." Boy, is that true.

It's a comfortable feeling. To know that even though change is constant, some things never change.

How do you not fear the unexpected?

Tragedy opens up an entirely new world of thought. It changes your view on life and suddenly things that didn’t matter, matter, and things that mattered, no longer matter. Traumatic situations make you count your blessings and for whatever reason, it isn’t a continuous joyful experience of “oh my gosh, I’m so lucky.” For whatever reason, sometimes living through something traumatic opens up every emotion, except for joy.

So the question is, how do you not fear the unexpected? How do you go on living life, being constantly reminded that life’s mishaps come at you, in their own time and in their own unavoidable way?

I guess part of growing up is realizing that things will happen that you have no control over, and each person, individually, has to seek out how to learn from each situation, and figure a way to move on. I guess part of growing up is realizing that there isn’t always a solution, there’s no quick-fix button.

Life isn’t perfect - but I think we can all agree that amongst the imperfection, there is so much to live for.

What is reality? What is responsibility?

I have been urged for years now to invest in property. The parental unit has offered to lend money for the down payment (yes, they are wonderful) but the idea of purchasing something as monumental as property, plainly put, freaks me out. I don't know where I'll be in 2 years...how do I attempt to make something my own while knowing there is a huge possibility I'll have to pick up and leave it behind? And this being said, beyond my emotional fears...is it even realistic for me to be paying a LA mortgage? I'm not sure it's financially possible to live within my means and pay a mortgage...

But I'm going to look around and see if I find anything that shouts "you can't walk away, i'm worth every sacrifice" - because the market is at a place now where if I didn't, it could easily be one of the biggest mistakes (financially speaking) ever. Who knows where the housing market could be in the next few years. But I assure you, the next few steps aren't being taken without a looming fear of the unknown.

Do I smell a return of the...commitment fear?

On Friendship and Responsibility

------on friendship ------

It is such a strange and delicate thing. You can't live without your friends, but sometimes you could live without their decisions, actions, and inactions.

But I guess that's life. You learn to love- be flexible with your love, be abused by that love, and ultimately be understanding, everyone is different.

I just wish sometimes people weren't so one-sided. (I know that's something I have to work on.) And understand that yes, their life is their life, but as a friend...whatever you're going through, you can't just forget about your friends and leave them in the dark. Or should I be saying "friend" - singular?

Anyways, just more a note and realization that I need to let it be. And as much as I say I can't control the bitterness, it's something that I've just now realized...I have to. It's my duty as a friend, right?

----- on responsibility -----

I've been meaning to blog about my "cash advance" horror story but I've been so busy at work. I guess to sum it up, I think the reason I felt so emotional about the whole thing boils down to two things:

-I was on my . so of course I was over-emo.
-Ever since I had turned 25, I thought to myself that I was/had to be more mature, more on top of everything. (silly, right? but more the age just gave me an extra push, and it's a great thing I think...I've really been making a conscious effort to make smarter more responsible decisions) moving on... I had given myself pats on the back after reflecting on "how far I've come" and "how much more responsible I've become" - but then I did something that was so stupid...even though I really didn't know what I was doing. But I felt like I should have known...and then the mess got bigger and bigger and of course in the end, it wasn't as big a deal as I had thought it was. But bottom line, I messed up...and I needed help to get out.

Now, am I really one of those people who hates to be helped? No. But when I had to depend on someone financially because of a stupid decision/mistake, I felt irresponsible. For as long as I can remember, I have been financially independent, responsible with my finances. And to feel overwhelmed and unsure about my finances, just really scared me. Wake up call?

Fail.

(wearing the tegan and sara sweatshirt that got me into this mess. totally. worth. it.) jk

David Sedaris never fails me

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. 'Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?'" — Humorist David Sedaris on supposedly 'undecided' voters.

Thoughts on Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture"

Watched Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" this past weekend. It was exactly what I was told it would be, inspirational and well, relevant. His lecture was mainly about his life. His dreams and how he lived them out. He included lessons learned and spoke about those who inspired him throughout his life and career. And also those he inspired throughout his life and career. He outlined a few "life lessons" that highlighted things that I believe we all know but don't necessarily remember and practice on a daily basis.

Here are a few that really hit home:

-Don't complain; just work harder
-Be prepared: "luck" is where preparation meets opportunity
-Find the best in everybody; you might have to wait a long time but people will show you their good side, just keep waiting
-Never give up


More than just "learning" from his lecture, I was inspired. It wasn't necessarily the words that he spoke but the essence of who he was and how important he was to so many people.

A Life

i know
it's hard to be reconciled
not everything is exactly
the way it ought to be

but please turn around
and step into the future
leave memories behind
enter the land of hope

-zbigniew herbert (polish poet), from A Life



i dont particularly agree with "leave memories behind" but it's beautiful nonetheless

random find. um re-find?

a goofy guy i once saw live at house of blues. dug up while trying to sort though my laptop. cute.

jim bianco, belong

jim bianco, painkiller

what i've learned #209348024823

[this will be "twitter"-like for arnold. short but not that short]

 

there is no such thing as the "right" time... there is right now. and then there is later... which sometimes [not all the time] leads down that scary path of never. and yes, i understand that life is not so generous that it offers such concrete black and white answers... but these options are more or less what we have to work with. whether it be to apply to grad school, to change careers, or fall in love... whatever.  

 

yes, you need a plan. i have no doubt about that. but flexability is what makes a plan actually work. there will never be the perfect moment and conditions will never be ideal. life will always get in the way of your plan. so there is no use in waiting for the "right" time to begin something. life has already begun.

 

 

 

 

[melvin]

I don’t feel any different?

On your birthday, everyone always asks if you feel any different. As if you are going to wake up on your birthday and suddenly life just FEELS a year older. Your body, your mind, your soul…like poof! Surprise! 25! Do you feel it?

Especially in these “older” years (yes, I know 25 is not OLD, but it IS older) it’s a gradual “hello! You’re aging!”

For example, back ache. Oh, hello 25.
Headache from loud music. Oh, hello 25.
Can’t eat endless amounts of sweets. Oh, hello 25.
Can’t go out too much on week nights. Oh, hello 25.

Obviously I’m joking and generalizing. But I honestly have noticed things in the past year or so that have just jumped out at me like, hello-this-is-your-wake-up-and-feel-older-moment, only it’s not your birthday, it’s every day of your GD life.

I wonder when my metabolism will give me that wake up call that hello, I-no-longer-work-the-way-i-used-to. Gasp.

Well, another year has passed and I’m finally the long awaited two-five. Dreaded by some, welcomed by others…Highly anticipated by myself. Finally, I consider myself an adult. No longer in the middle stage merely hoping to achieve something and become someone. Well, not that I’m quite there yet, but for whatever reason these two numbers just mark something for me. Something special. And it was quite the honor to have celebrated this special birthday with so many of my loved ones. I can barely remember last week (am I getting old? I kid) and I certainly can’t remember my last birthday. But I do have to say, this one feels different and special.

Cheers to the two-five.

out-of-hand

sometimes, when you're twentysomething, you drink and get out of hand.

hey, it happens. (see below, ahem, lem)

Re: Sangria

Coauthored by Daniel Han.

No royalties. Not even 3%

Melvin

Sent from my iPhone

Sangria

Hello junior heholahola I must say that my sangria is better. We
don't deal with apples we deal with canned peaches !!!! Hello. Me
is babysitting a corona . It is getting warm. This I gotta admit is
terribly profound.

Sent from my iPhone

bubble #2

today at work we were asked to fill out a survey about a logo/brand change with the recent merger of our company and another. it started innocently enough... which department do you work for? how long have you worked here? i began to click away at the multiple choice "bubbles".

click.click.click.clickity.click.

and then came the question. how old are you?

* under 25

* 25 - 34

* 35 - 50

* 50+

note that "under 25" is NOT the same as "25 AND under". i had to read it twice just to make sure i couldn't somehow weasel my way into the first bubble.

hello and welcome to your twentysomethings. also known as your mid to late twenties.... quickly followed by the ever popular thirtysomethings. [gasp.] hang on tight, it's going to be one heck of a ride to 34!

it was like a swift kick in the butt that you're expecting, but that doesn't mean you don't yelp a little when it actually happens. so today is the day i officially, and with some reluctance and a teeny tiny little yelp, got my butt kicked to bubble #2.

oh jeeze.

[melvin]

every day is a different day

i don't think this is particular to "twentysomethings" but more a general realization that life goes on. every day is a different day.

last week i was feeling like my whole world was crashing down. i mean, of course i was being dramatic, but i really did feel like WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG. and within a few days of the madness, the storm had settled and before i knew it i was in such a better place. it's always like this.

things get bad, then they get better.

and i guess what im taking away from this not-so-new-realization is that next time i'm in a rut, to keep reminding myself that it will get better. and i'll be fine.

just have to get through it.

career gratification???

Is it so? Are we at the point where we have been in our "careers" (yes, in quotation marks because, really? we have careers?) long enough to not be considered the bottom feeders anymore? Is it so? Do we have enough years experience under our belts to be truly knowledgeable in our professions/industries and contributing substantially on a daily basis?

Finally.

Every once in a while, I get an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. All from my job. I feel like I know what I'm doing, I do a great job and I'm truly proud of my growth. Who would have thought that career gratification could feel so good.

Not only is it a sense of personal accomplishment, but it's a reminder that with age comes experience. One of the reasons I have always been one to welcome birthdays. One year older, one more year of life experience.

Bring it on.

dooce makes my world go round

Wanted to highlight a few excerpts from heather armstrong's most recent post on dooce.com:

"And it wasn't easy, there were times when both of us didn't know if we were going to make it but loved each other enough that we were willing to try."

i. so. believe. in. this. statement.

"My friend Leona gave me some really profound advice last night as we were talking about how much better our thirties are compared to our twenties. She said, "No matter what horrible thing you're going through, when it's all over it only takes three seconds to sum it up. Remember that.""

it's so true. right? no matter how SHITTY things are, after it's all said and done, no matter how crappy it was...it's over. and life goes on. and eventually. you heal.

and really? 30s are better than the 20s? i mean, don't get me wrong. there have been and im sure there will be some AMAZING times. but it's definitely encouraging to hear that it gets better. and seeing as how i am that girl who cant wait to find my someone, have that stability, build a life together, raise children, etc. i totally believe my 30s will be amazing.

but that's not to say im not living for today. so hey, cheers to now.

i wish i was one of those girls

I wish I was one of those girls, straight out of a relationship and relishing in newfound freedom. Feeling like this is the BEST gift he could have given me. I can do what I want, when I want, and with who I want. I wish I was that girl. Wake up smiling, thinking that it just feels so right. So right to have finally let go of what was familiar, not knowing if and how it would all feel right again, but knowing that eventually it would. And bottom line, it was the right thing to do. To finally let go of that comfort. And that new leaf would have turned, and their hearts and minds and souls…would feel RIGHT. I wish I had that aching pain that there simply just wasn’t enough time to do everything on my list for life. That life’s possibilities were boundless and that I had the world at my fingertips. I could do anything, with anyone, at anytime.

I wish I was one of those girls.

sometimes when you're a twentysomething...

your life gets too busy to post, about life.

it's our job.

they're promoting the new season of lipstick jungle on tv right now and in the recent version of the promo i saw, one line really stood out to me.

the characters are talking about their lives; mistakes with children, failing relationships, career faux pas...and one of the main characters says, "it's our job to take care of each other" - it totally struck a chord.

we are all going to continue adding stresses to our life. at one point or another, things are going to go a-wall; marriages are going to go through rough patches, children are going to take every ounce of sanity away from us, careers will produce great moments and not-so-great moments, etc.

but through it all, it will (always) be our jobs to take care of each other.

month: august; year: twothousandeight (gasp)

it's amazing how time flies. seriously.

who would have thought? 2008, already. it's almost fall. winter is just around the corner. then 2009. TWOTHOUSANDNINE. wow.

i keep putting notes into my pitching grid and go to type in the date. third time today, i almost put a 6 (june, for those of you who are confused with life) and i have to pause, and remind myself it's august. each time so far it has been a surprise. august? already.

junior's mom often says, "if you think 20 to 25 is fast, 25 to 30 is twice as fast"

i only have two words in response to this, holy shit.

You know what I’m glad I’ll never have to miss?

[Going off of melvin’s post]

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love music. And my favorite place to listen to music, perhaps more than a great live show, is blasting music in my car…volume way up. It is something that I have done since the day I got my drivers license. Windows down, volume up.

I can’t explain the feeling that rushes through my entire body. Without a doubt, however my day was and however I had been feeling, at an instance my mindset veers towards a positive path and I feel empowered. EMPOWERED. The music feels like it’s running through each and every vein in my body and I get chills. (or, are they tingles?) Every. Single. Time. I feel like I can take on the world.

Even as the years go by and my life goes through big, small, humongous changes…this is and will always be my constant. Music is my constant.

I wish I could successfully put into words the feeling. But I guess it isn’t something I have to take a picture of to capture the moment, even as things change and time passes, this is something I’ll never have to miss. Music is my constant.

[arnold]

you know what i miss?

basketball.

 

it's weird because i haven't played in over ten years and by no means was i ever a great athlete.  i doubt i could even dribble now without falling over myself. and yet i can recall so clearly how good it felt. how good the pebbled rubber ball felt under my fingers, how good it felt to hear the fanatical parents cheering on the sidelines. how good it felt to run. back and forth. across the half court line, to the top of the key, under the basket, layup, rebound. running. always running. back to the other end of the court. again and again and again.

 

in retrospect, i don't even think it's the basketball that i miss.  it's the feeling of never wanting to stop. no matter how out of breath i was or how tired i felt... or even how badly we were losing, it just felt good to be in the game. there was never a time that i could remember thinking, "coach pull me out. i'm done." never. 

 

and to be perfectly honest, there have been a few occasions in my adult life that i've wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. days that i've had to shut everything off and lay in bed and just be very still... so that everything around me would stop spinning so fast and life could go on at its break neck pace without me for a few hours.

 

logically, being a child playing a 48 minute game of basketball isn't comparable to the daily responsibilities and obligations of an adult, but i hope that one day i'll have that feeling again. that something will move me so passionately that i'd never want it to stop.

[melvin]

Mid-life crisis? No, way bigger….QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS

It’s been a topic that has always been so far away. Hasn’t affected me, been in conversations with friends, nor has it even crossed my mind. It was a distant topic, as foreign as let’s say, going through menopause. But more and more, I am seeing this phrase (read: monumental stage of life) surface. Whether it’s someone who is going through the “what am I doing with my life” and simply hasn’t labeled their issue as their “quarter-life crisis” or if it’s someone a bit more dramatic, like me, who proclaims “holy crap. Quarter-life crisis. Chapter one. HERE WE GO!”

Either way, it is exactly what it says it is. A crisis. when you’re about 25. Give or take a few months, or give or take a few years! It happens to the best of us. And whether or not we’re in full blown crisis mode, however slowly it creeps up, we all have those days where we wonder…

Am I where I’m supposed to be?
Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing?
Should I go back to school?
Will spending all that money really help me in the end?
Have I met him yet?
Have I accomplished enough to tuck into my pre-25 folder?
What do I need to be doing to get to where I want to be in the next 10 years?
Where will I be in the next 10 years?
Who will I be in the next 10 years?
Who will be standing next to me in 10 years?
Why didn’t I study abroad in college? (oh…I digress)


WHO ELSE FEELS THIS PRESSURE?

I have seen countless friends run these questions over and over. A lot of times it has to do with career oriented issues, and so many of those other times it’s about relationships. At the mid-20s, you can no longer claim the infamous “I-just-got-out-of-college” because plain and simple, you’ve now been OUT of college just as long as you were IN college. We’re far too old to run to our parents and hide behind them. Far too mature to NEED our parents. (So. Not. True.) It’s no longer about depending on your friends to make decisions for you…it’s about figuring out for yourself what you want, what you need, and what you need to do to get there.

Of course, your friends and family are always going to be there – supporting you, offering advice. But it’s advice, just that. And it’s from an outside standpoint. At this stage of the game, we know ourselves best. We know better than to ignore those little voices, the knot in the pit of our stomach, the strings tugging at our heart…we know that they are so much more than intangible hindrances. They mean something, boy oh boy do they mean something.

But what I do think that friends can offer at this so-called crisis point is comfort. The realization that yes, I may in theory be living through and having to solve this crisis on my own…but everyone is in the same boat. True, others may have it easier (or worse) but everyone, in their own way, has their own quarter-life crisis.

Here’s to leaning on each other and really believing in ourselves. With the right mix of that, raw soul searching, a pinch of confidence and a great sense of humor about LIFE…I haven’t a doubt that we’ll all make it to our…mid-life crisis!

Cheers to that!

the best thing

i look in my planner and the next several months of my life are booked solid. i cant find time to do laundry or sleep for that matter. gone are they lazy weekends at home spent in bed, watching nothing in particular on tv, and staying in pjs until lunch. how did that happen? i dont have kids, i dont have pets, i'm not taking classes, and i can barely stick to my "gym 3 times a week" schedule.

 

i have no time because i finally have the freedom and the financial independence [for the most part] to do what i want, when and where i want, how i want.

 

that is the best thing about being 20something... having no time for the daily mundane activities that "grown ups" call life. getting an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, buying groceries. sure, not being able to sleep in anymore sucks a little, but there are too many other things to do and places to see.

 

 

the very best thing about being 20something?

 

spending all that time not cleaning the house, not balancing my check book, and not running those errands that really can wait with my equally fabulous 20something friends.

 

<3 cheers!

 

 

[melvin]

Perhaps change lies merely in the eyes of the beholder??

During a fun-filled weekend with some of my favorite girls in the world, I realized something…we’re getting old(er). Yeah yeah, I know the main reason we all got together this past weekend was to celebrate birthdays; so naturally, yes…I was kindly reminded that we ARE indeed getting older. But what I’m referring to showed me that we are getting older. (read: relationships) Perhaps these relationships aren’t any different than before, but it’s just our views on them that have shifted? Perhaps the change lies merely in the eyes of the beholder??

Here are two examples that simply crushed me, melted my heart.

When we were at Bungalow club for dinner on Saturday night (finally) – Mel and I were sitting across from Jenn and Mike. (Sidenote: Noticed this weekend that Mike is more affectionate with Jenn in front of us, more so than ever before) He was sitting next to her and I think she was talking to us or something, and he just nonchalantly put her hair behind her shoulders. First one side, then the next. It doesn’t seem like much right? But I think what it is, is that that is something you would think a HUSBAND does to his WIFE. I’m not in any way trying to scare anyone, but I mean….a college student (even a young man right out of college) wouldn’t necessarily do something like that. It is the actions of someone who has been with someone for a long time, something that is natural to them…effortless. Just something sweet you would see from an old couple, and I guess it just hit me…they have been together for a really long time and I think that we’ll be seeing that kind of thing for years to come. And I also think, especially from someone who hasn’t normally been super affectionate with his gf in front of us, becoming comfortable enough in front of all of us to be affectionate with her…is just so sweet. Not to mention he has totally put forth the effort to spend more time with her (and her friends).

The other example was in my room on Saturday night when we got home from a night out drinking (we’re not getting that old, yet) and Aaron and Mel were sleeping over. He was in my room sitting on my medicine ball just hanging out when she was washing up. Mel comes in and just curls up into his lap while he’s still sitting on the medicine ball. It wasn’t weird or awkward, she just snuggled and fit…right in his lap. And she just kind of tucked herself into his “nook” and it just… looked….so perfect. And I just melted, right there and then.

I don’t think I’m conveying what I’m feeling very well. But I think that I am realizing/seeing is that my friends are with the people they’re meant to be with.

Another example would be J and Elaine together, where he is the outspoken and crazy one, cracking jokes and you can SEE her silent adoration. She’ll kind of shake her head and laugh... I can see them acting like this forever.

Maybe it’s just because I am the sentimental type, but I feel like we’re getting older and the TYPES of relationships that people are in…are moving into an entirely new arena. Scary. No, scratch that…exciting!

welcome junior.

melvin and i extend our warmest welcome. welcome to the blogosphere, the public blogosphere [gasp]

"im a sooooperhero!" -aaden gosselin, age 3

meet us, age 20something. :)

off to a [slow] start, but a start nonetheless

[i love the word nonetheless]

you know? it's my job to find blogs. read them. and figure out if we can pitch those bloggers our products to review/giveaway. i've never denied to anyone on my team that i cant help but READ THEM. not peruse and analyze, like i'm supposed to. i've been sucked in. not just starting with this job but the entire BREATH of what blogging is, has captured me. i've always been a bit of a voyeur. so hungry to live through people's words and their experiences. in dire need to feel what they feel, and to know what they know.

and i guess it's just that time of year. who am i fooling, it's always that time of year. where i feel ambitious, and so ready to just shout to the world all of my thoughts. what better place to do this, than a blog. A NEW BLOG. [especially now since i have an iphone and i can BLOG FROM ANYWHERE, AT ANYTIME] if only i had the guts to make my private blog, public. to share my most trivial and not-so-trivial thoughts with the world, and not just my closest and dearest friends. i would love to say that one day i'll be so brave as to click that button and let myself be seen. who i really am, for what it's worth. but i'm going to use this space as an entity of truth. so i won't lie. it probably won't ever happen.

but what will happen here is we will share our trials and tribulations of being 20somethings. living life, as we know it. it ain't always pretty but it is what it is. and hopefully as we document these "mid-20s" years and try to make sense of it all, we'll capture a few readers [most likely our unlucky friends who we force to read/comment] and maybe a few internet nomads.

welcome. eat your hearts out.

[arnold]

20somethings.

more specifically, mid 20 somethings.


[i blanked... mostly because i am blank. 25.... what now?!]


[melvin]

it is what it is

wait, what is it?

[arnold]