Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
"one more week to be a kid"
and the countdown begins. a week until i'm officially in my late twenties. this should be interesting!
for the first year ever, i don't really want to celebrate my birthday. works out since i'll be heading to palm springs for a friend's bachelorette party on my bday anyhow, so, no big dinner and party this year. which is fine by me.
i wonder if i'll still wake up on my birthday (next to my friends and a bag of chips) and stretch and squeal. wonder if i'll ever get too old to feel giddy on the morning of.
life is so funny. how things work out or how some things don't work out. how you grow to REALLY appreciate your mom and her opinions, how you grow up ever so slightly and realize it at such random moments. that growing up doesn't mean changing necessarily but more, changing how you react, what goes through your mind.
weird how dates we set in our heads when we're younger get pushed back by reality and dreams become reinvented through time and...life.
i've always thought i'd grow out of my silliness but i realize now im stuck with it, it is who i am. but amidst all the craziness, i finally accept me for me. the good, the bad and the ugly.
i like that i'm finally starting to be OK with things just as they are. people, just as they are. situations, just as they are. and maybe by next year i'll be able to say that i'm not just starting to see things just as they are, but understand that it's just life. we'll see.
wonder where i'll be in a year. geographically, in my career, with my relationships.
for the first year ever, i don't really want to celebrate my birthday. works out since i'll be heading to palm springs for a friend's bachelorette party on my bday anyhow, so, no big dinner and party this year. which is fine by me.
i wonder if i'll still wake up on my birthday (next to my friends and a bag of chips) and stretch and squeal. wonder if i'll ever get too old to feel giddy on the morning of.
life is so funny. how things work out or how some things don't work out. how you grow to REALLY appreciate your mom and her opinions, how you grow up ever so slightly and realize it at such random moments. that growing up doesn't mean changing necessarily but more, changing how you react, what goes through your mind.
weird how dates we set in our heads when we're younger get pushed back by reality and dreams become reinvented through time and...life.
i've always thought i'd grow out of my silliness but i realize now im stuck with it, it is who i am. but amidst all the craziness, i finally accept me for me. the good, the bad and the ugly.
i like that i'm finally starting to be OK with things just as they are. people, just as they are. situations, just as they are. and maybe by next year i'll be able to say that i'm not just starting to see things just as they are, but understand that it's just life. we'll see.
wonder where i'll be in a year. geographically, in my career, with my relationships.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
life.
some days you wake up and for whatever reason, life decides to smack you upside the head just to remind you who's boss. in those moments, stand strong, yell a few obscenities back, and then find your friends and lean the hell out of them.
how else are you supposed to get through anything? by yourself? please, that is so 2009.
i find out about the loan today/tomorrow and while 99% of me is hoping and praying things go through, there is still that 1% of me that juuuuust might just be OK with keeping my cash monies in the bank, versus owing the bank 500k+. we'll see.
in the meantime, i'll keep trying to figure it out. and by it, i mean life. and by life, i mean, i need one.
how else are you supposed to get through anything? by yourself? please, that is so 2009.
i find out about the loan today/tomorrow and while 99% of me is hoping and praying things go through, there is still that 1% of me that juuuuust might just be OK with keeping my cash monies in the bank, versus owing the bank 500k+. we'll see.
in the meantime, i'll keep trying to figure it out. and by it, i mean life. and by life, i mean, i need one.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
freedom vs. responsibility
It's been an ongoing battle, freedom vs. responsibility.
I know it’s a great investment for me to buy property right now. I know that I pay A LOT of income taxes and that would dramatically decrease if I invested in property. Tax benefits, ME benefits. I get it. I know that being smart today, means reaping the great benefits tomorrow (er, 5+ years) and I certainly know I am lucky as all hell to have parents who can financially afford to help with the down payment.
But what I don’t know is if it’s right for me, right now.
I want to explore, and have the option to live outside of California “before it’s too late”. (Too late for what? Ah, a whole different post) I want the freedom to make decisions based on what I want to do, and not have to consider what responsibilities (read: mortgage) I have “holding me back”. I want to be selfish for just a little bit longer. I want to spend my money a little more freely than what I’ve felt confined to in the past year while saving/prepping for THE PURCHASE OF THE DECADE. Frankly - I want to go to Coachella, I want to consider buying a new car, visit Stef in China, buy a last minute ticket to anywhere-but-here, etc. I mean, I work damn hard (hello 10+ hour days) for my little monies and I want to ENJOY IT today, tomorrow, next week, next year…not in 10-15-30 years when I sell the property. Is it so bad that I want to enjoy (what’s left of, sob) my 20s, and what’s left of my single years (wishful thinking…)?
I’m in the crossroads right now. With just a few days to decide if I fully want to let go of this rare find in West LA, I can’t help but want to run the other direction. Should I let it go? Should I look for something else? Or, for now just let go of the search all together? I mean, I have always thought, “wouldn’t it be easier if I saved now, waited a few years, and then had a DUAL-INCOME to contribute to a bigger/better purchase”? I mean, what’s the rush? I have the rest of my life to take on something of this magnitude, right?
To be honest, I’m not sure I was ever fully on-board with this idea. Granted being a home owner sounds fun and all, and I know it’s great and responsible and forward-thinking, but - am I ready to jump into something this ADULT? I mean, I nearly had a panic attack when I saw the loan papers stating how much I would have paid the bank at the end of the 30-year-loan. And, that was enough to make me die a little inside. I mean, that is major cash-monies we are talking about. Nothing chump about that change.
I wish I knew what the “right” choice was. I don’t want to let the me-me-me/selfish voices take over what’s best for my future. But I also don’t want to go into something like this not feeling 100 percent comfortable with my decision to basically, sign away my life for the next few years. (Yes, with my current income, choosing to take on a mortgage is basically doing just that) How do I determine if my feelings are legitimate or selfish? And, is there really a difference?
I know it’s a great investment for me to buy property right now. I know that I pay A LOT of income taxes and that would dramatically decrease if I invested in property. Tax benefits, ME benefits. I get it. I know that being smart today, means reaping the great benefits tomorrow (er, 5+ years) and I certainly know I am lucky as all hell to have parents who can financially afford to help with the down payment.
But what I don’t know is if it’s right for me, right now.
I want to explore, and have the option to live outside of California “before it’s too late”. (Too late for what? Ah, a whole different post) I want the freedom to make decisions based on what I want to do, and not have to consider what responsibilities (read: mortgage) I have “holding me back”. I want to be selfish for just a little bit longer. I want to spend my money a little more freely than what I’ve felt confined to in the past year while saving/prepping for THE PURCHASE OF THE DECADE. Frankly - I want to go to Coachella, I want to consider buying a new car, visit Stef in China, buy a last minute ticket to anywhere-but-here, etc. I mean, I work damn hard (hello 10+ hour days) for my little monies and I want to ENJOY IT today, tomorrow, next week, next year…not in 10-15-30 years when I sell the property. Is it so bad that I want to enjoy (what’s left of, sob) my 20s, and what’s left of my single years (wishful thinking…)?
I’m in the crossroads right now. With just a few days to decide if I fully want to let go of this rare find in West LA, I can’t help but want to run the other direction. Should I let it go? Should I look for something else? Or, for now just let go of the search all together? I mean, I have always thought, “wouldn’t it be easier if I saved now, waited a few years, and then had a DUAL-INCOME to contribute to a bigger/better purchase”? I mean, what’s the rush? I have the rest of my life to take on something of this magnitude, right?
To be honest, I’m not sure I was ever fully on-board with this idea. Granted being a home owner sounds fun and all, and I know it’s great and responsible and forward-thinking, but - am I ready to jump into something this ADULT? I mean, I nearly had a panic attack when I saw the loan papers stating how much I would have paid the bank at the end of the 30-year-loan. And, that was enough to make me die a little inside. I mean, that is major cash-monies we are talking about. Nothing chump about that change.
I wish I knew what the “right” choice was. I don’t want to let the me-me-me/selfish voices take over what’s best for my future. But I also don’t want to go into something like this not feeling 100 percent comfortable with my decision to basically, sign away my life for the next few years. (Yes, with my current income, choosing to take on a mortgage is basically doing just that) How do I determine if my feelings are legitimate or selfish? And, is there really a difference?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
after a brief hiatus, we're back and more 20something than ever! whatever that means.
it's 2010. this year we start to leave our mid-twenties behind and head dangerously close to the omg-i'm-almost-thirty-wait-am-i-too-old-to-use-the-acronym-omg?!
i admit it, i freak out a little every time i think about it, especially in the midst of a possible career change and the fact that everyone is getting married/talking about getting married/wanting to be married/just dying to be married already, damnit! my 16 year old self originally planned on being married already and well on the way into my first and/or second of four pregnancies. ha. 16 year old self, i'm glad my 26 year old self kicked your ass back into reality. someday all those things like marriage, babies, and home ownership will come and when they do, i will welcome it with open arms... but for now i am secretly enjoying the fact that i am so... unestablished so to speak. free to float onwards and upwards.
i admit it, i freak out a little every time i think about it, especially in the midst of a possible career change and the fact that everyone is getting married/talking about getting married/wanting to be married/just dying to be married already, damnit! my 16 year old self originally planned on being married already and well on the way into my first and/or second of four pregnancies. ha. 16 year old self, i'm glad my 26 year old self kicked your ass back into reality. someday all those things like marriage, babies, and home ownership will come and when they do, i will welcome it with open arms... but for now i am secretly enjoying the fact that i am so... unestablished so to speak. free to float onwards and upwards.
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