some days you wake up and for whatever reason, life decides to smack you upside the head just to remind you who's boss. in those moments, stand strong, yell a few obscenities back, and then find your friends and lean the hell out of them.
how else are you supposed to get through anything? by yourself? please, that is so 2009.
i find out about the loan today/tomorrow and while 99% of me is hoping and praying things go through, there is still that 1% of me that juuuuust might just be OK with keeping my cash monies in the bank, versus owing the bank 500k+. we'll see.
in the meantime, i'll keep trying to figure it out. and by it, i mean life. and by life, i mean, i need one.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
freedom vs. responsibility
It's been an ongoing battle, freedom vs. responsibility.
I know it’s a great investment for me to buy property right now. I know that I pay A LOT of income taxes and that would dramatically decrease if I invested in property. Tax benefits, ME benefits. I get it. I know that being smart today, means reaping the great benefits tomorrow (er, 5+ years) and I certainly know I am lucky as all hell to have parents who can financially afford to help with the down payment.
But what I don’t know is if it’s right for me, right now.
I want to explore, and have the option to live outside of California “before it’s too late”. (Too late for what? Ah, a whole different post) I want the freedom to make decisions based on what I want to do, and not have to consider what responsibilities (read: mortgage) I have “holding me back”. I want to be selfish for just a little bit longer. I want to spend my money a little more freely than what I’ve felt confined to in the past year while saving/prepping for THE PURCHASE OF THE DECADE. Frankly - I want to go to Coachella, I want to consider buying a new car, visit Stef in China, buy a last minute ticket to anywhere-but-here, etc. I mean, I work damn hard (hello 10+ hour days) for my little monies and I want to ENJOY IT today, tomorrow, next week, next year…not in 10-15-30 years when I sell the property. Is it so bad that I want to enjoy (what’s left of, sob) my 20s, and what’s left of my single years (wishful thinking…)?
I’m in the crossroads right now. With just a few days to decide if I fully want to let go of this rare find in West LA, I can’t help but want to run the other direction. Should I let it go? Should I look for something else? Or, for now just let go of the search all together? I mean, I have always thought, “wouldn’t it be easier if I saved now, waited a few years, and then had a DUAL-INCOME to contribute to a bigger/better purchase”? I mean, what’s the rush? I have the rest of my life to take on something of this magnitude, right?
To be honest, I’m not sure I was ever fully on-board with this idea. Granted being a home owner sounds fun and all, and I know it’s great and responsible and forward-thinking, but - am I ready to jump into something this ADULT? I mean, I nearly had a panic attack when I saw the loan papers stating how much I would have paid the bank at the end of the 30-year-loan. And, that was enough to make me die a little inside. I mean, that is major cash-monies we are talking about. Nothing chump about that change.
I wish I knew what the “right” choice was. I don’t want to let the me-me-me/selfish voices take over what’s best for my future. But I also don’t want to go into something like this not feeling 100 percent comfortable with my decision to basically, sign away my life for the next few years. (Yes, with my current income, choosing to take on a mortgage is basically doing just that) How do I determine if my feelings are legitimate or selfish? And, is there really a difference?
I know it’s a great investment for me to buy property right now. I know that I pay A LOT of income taxes and that would dramatically decrease if I invested in property. Tax benefits, ME benefits. I get it. I know that being smart today, means reaping the great benefits tomorrow (er, 5+ years) and I certainly know I am lucky as all hell to have parents who can financially afford to help with the down payment.
But what I don’t know is if it’s right for me, right now.
I want to explore, and have the option to live outside of California “before it’s too late”. (Too late for what? Ah, a whole different post) I want the freedom to make decisions based on what I want to do, and not have to consider what responsibilities (read: mortgage) I have “holding me back”. I want to be selfish for just a little bit longer. I want to spend my money a little more freely than what I’ve felt confined to in the past year while saving/prepping for THE PURCHASE OF THE DECADE. Frankly - I want to go to Coachella, I want to consider buying a new car, visit Stef in China, buy a last minute ticket to anywhere-but-here, etc. I mean, I work damn hard (hello 10+ hour days) for my little monies and I want to ENJOY IT today, tomorrow, next week, next year…not in 10-15-30 years when I sell the property. Is it so bad that I want to enjoy (what’s left of, sob) my 20s, and what’s left of my single years (wishful thinking…)?
I’m in the crossroads right now. With just a few days to decide if I fully want to let go of this rare find in West LA, I can’t help but want to run the other direction. Should I let it go? Should I look for something else? Or, for now just let go of the search all together? I mean, I have always thought, “wouldn’t it be easier if I saved now, waited a few years, and then had a DUAL-INCOME to contribute to a bigger/better purchase”? I mean, what’s the rush? I have the rest of my life to take on something of this magnitude, right?
To be honest, I’m not sure I was ever fully on-board with this idea. Granted being a home owner sounds fun and all, and I know it’s great and responsible and forward-thinking, but - am I ready to jump into something this ADULT? I mean, I nearly had a panic attack when I saw the loan papers stating how much I would have paid the bank at the end of the 30-year-loan. And, that was enough to make me die a little inside. I mean, that is major cash-monies we are talking about. Nothing chump about that change.
I wish I knew what the “right” choice was. I don’t want to let the me-me-me/selfish voices take over what’s best for my future. But I also don’t want to go into something like this not feeling 100 percent comfortable with my decision to basically, sign away my life for the next few years. (Yes, with my current income, choosing to take on a mortgage is basically doing just that) How do I determine if my feelings are legitimate or selfish? And, is there really a difference?
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