How do you not fear the unexpected?

Tragedy opens up an entirely new world of thought. It changes your view on life and suddenly things that didn’t matter, matter, and things that mattered, no longer matter. Traumatic situations make you count your blessings and for whatever reason, it isn’t a continuous joyful experience of “oh my gosh, I’m so lucky.” For whatever reason, sometimes living through something traumatic opens up every emotion, except for joy.

So the question is, how do you not fear the unexpected? How do you go on living life, being constantly reminded that life’s mishaps come at you, in their own time and in their own unavoidable way?

I guess part of growing up is realizing that things will happen that you have no control over, and each person, individually, has to seek out how to learn from each situation, and figure a way to move on. I guess part of growing up is realizing that there isn’t always a solution, there’s no quick-fix button.

Life isn’t perfect - but I think we can all agree that amongst the imperfection, there is so much to live for.

What is reality? What is responsibility?

I have been urged for years now to invest in property. The parental unit has offered to lend money for the down payment (yes, they are wonderful) but the idea of purchasing something as monumental as property, plainly put, freaks me out. I don't know where I'll be in 2 years...how do I attempt to make something my own while knowing there is a huge possibility I'll have to pick up and leave it behind? And this being said, beyond my emotional fears...is it even realistic for me to be paying a LA mortgage? I'm not sure it's financially possible to live within my means and pay a mortgage...

But I'm going to look around and see if I find anything that shouts "you can't walk away, i'm worth every sacrifice" - because the market is at a place now where if I didn't, it could easily be one of the biggest mistakes (financially speaking) ever. Who knows where the housing market could be in the next few years. But I assure you, the next few steps aren't being taken without a looming fear of the unknown.

Do I smell a return of the...commitment fear?

On Friendship and Responsibility

------on friendship ------

It is such a strange and delicate thing. You can't live without your friends, but sometimes you could live without their decisions, actions, and inactions.

But I guess that's life. You learn to love- be flexible with your love, be abused by that love, and ultimately be understanding, everyone is different.

I just wish sometimes people weren't so one-sided. (I know that's something I have to work on.) And understand that yes, their life is their life, but as a friend...whatever you're going through, you can't just forget about your friends and leave them in the dark. Or should I be saying "friend" - singular?

Anyways, just more a note and realization that I need to let it be. And as much as I say I can't control the bitterness, it's something that I've just now realized...I have to. It's my duty as a friend, right?

----- on responsibility -----

I've been meaning to blog about my "cash advance" horror story but I've been so busy at work. I guess to sum it up, I think the reason I felt so emotional about the whole thing boils down to two things:

-I was on my . so of course I was over-emo.
-Ever since I had turned 25, I thought to myself that I was/had to be more mature, more on top of everything. (silly, right? but more the age just gave me an extra push, and it's a great thing I think...I've really been making a conscious effort to make smarter more responsible decisions) moving on... I had given myself pats on the back after reflecting on "how far I've come" and "how much more responsible I've become" - but then I did something that was so stupid...even though I really didn't know what I was doing. But I felt like I should have known...and then the mess got bigger and bigger and of course in the end, it wasn't as big a deal as I had thought it was. But bottom line, I messed up...and I needed help to get out.

Now, am I really one of those people who hates to be helped? No. But when I had to depend on someone financially because of a stupid decision/mistake, I felt irresponsible. For as long as I can remember, I have been financially independent, responsible with my finances. And to feel overwhelmed and unsure about my finances, just really scared me. Wake up call?

Fail.

(wearing the tegan and sara sweatshirt that got me into this mess. totally. worth. it.) jk

David Sedaris never fails me

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. 'Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?'" — Humorist David Sedaris on supposedly 'undecided' voters.

Thoughts on Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture"

Watched Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" this past weekend. It was exactly what I was told it would be, inspirational and well, relevant. His lecture was mainly about his life. His dreams and how he lived them out. He included lessons learned and spoke about those who inspired him throughout his life and career. And also those he inspired throughout his life and career. He outlined a few "life lessons" that highlighted things that I believe we all know but don't necessarily remember and practice on a daily basis.

Here are a few that really hit home:

-Don't complain; just work harder
-Be prepared: "luck" is where preparation meets opportunity
-Find the best in everybody; you might have to wait a long time but people will show you their good side, just keep waiting
-Never give up


More than just "learning" from his lecture, I was inspired. It wasn't necessarily the words that he spoke but the essence of who he was and how important he was to so many people.